Wherefore Art Thou, Ugly Betty?

WHEREFORE ART THOU, UGLY BETTY?

How ironic: as a plane sinks into the Hudson, a misfortune clearly visible to many Manhattanites, we are once again held captive, for at least one more time, by George Bush’s 9/11 meta-narrative addiction in more ways than one.

For it came as no surprise, then, that approximately 5 minutes into his farewell to arms speech, broadcast on all major networks this evening—as would be the wish of a narcissist in chief, George couldn’t help invoke 9/11. His presidency began on 9/12/01, after all. And from that point on, second nature had George exploit, spin, and interweave 9/11 narratives to his advantage. Hell, he got us into two wars because of what a 9/11 tapestry of stories could offer.

That the White House recently published an on-line list of all the terrorist attacks Mr. Bush supposedly prevented proves just how much our 9/12 president developed a dope show addiction to the 9/11 narrative, and for all the wrong reasons.

But as George graces the television screen for a 2009 version of mission accomplished, NO ONE really cares. Rather, as my wife has duly noted, we are more concerned about next week’s inauguration—Thank God—and, quite frankly, our regularly scheduled television programming.

Which brings me to the question: wherefore art though, Ugly Betty, when we need you most?

Unreal

Unreal

Thanks to the John McCain/Sarah Palin supporters who condemned the extremist FREAKS at a McCain/Palin rally recently.  This is unreal.

These FREAKS were not only anti-Muslim, they were also anti-reality.  See for yourself; follow this link and scroll down for the video.  

TO FAKE OR NOT TO FAKE?—That is the question.

TO FAKE OR NOT TO FAKE?—That is the question.

No, this is not a Carrie Bradshaw inspired entry—if only.  Rather, it’s a 1% more conscious consideration of what Governor Sarah Palin didn’t do in her latest go-round with Katie Couric:  FAKE IT.  

When pressed by Couric about which “newspapers and magazines” the governor reads, the ever troubled Palin couldn’t even resort to what most 8^th graders have now since perfected:  providing a fake answer.  This is a HUGE problem—don’t you think?  Instead of rescuing herself once again from the precipice of mass embarrassment, dumb-dumb Sarah belly-flopped off the high-dive because she couldn’t name one source—who cares if she were to tell the truth?  I mean, make up something—The Juneau Jump; lie your rimmed glass as@ off—The National Review; go porno—“The Penthouse Letters;” say something—The Wall Street Journal; Sarah, for heaven’s sake—F A K E   IT:   Newsweek. 

In her dizzying gibberish, the best Sarah could offer was that she reads a “vast variety” of news sources.  That silly Sarah couldn’t offer one title—just one—from this “vast variety” says a great deal; that she couldn’t or wouldn’t FAKE IT sadly says so much more.  

Daddy Fight & '08

Daddy Fight & ‘08

Like the angry father who can’t or won’t admit that a younger man will eventually replace him, John McOedipus exhibited nothing but disdain and disregard toward Barack Obama during Friday’s debate.  It was stunning and pathetically obvious from the initial handshake that McCain thought:  “how dare HE be on this stage with ME!”  Furthermore, it was horrifically reminiscent of the early debates between Judas Joe Lieberman and Ned Lamont in the summer ’06, as grumpy Joe, then Oedipus Lieberman, adopted the hubris that afflicts so many tragic figures.  Perhaps McCain should spend less time with narcissistic Joe and more time with dignified Republicans like Richard Lugar to treat his current psychological disorder.  In the cults of personality and orbits of psycho-dynamics, there is a personality factor here that’s quite legible even to the most naïve of eyes.  And no one likes a b@stard of a father. 

But this Freudian family subtext extends way beyond McCain.  Just look at the pundit class, who can’t or won’t admit that Obama won because he had the right temperament and gravitas that Americans unequivocally desire in our leaders.  Hell, it’s obvious that Obama was the winner in poll after poll.  But despite that, the pundit class, like a group of obnoxious sons and daughters in one, f*cked-up, dysfunctional family, SO want a daddy fight in a major way. 

It was laughable to read mean-girl Maureen Dowd—who STILL has Catholic gossip-girl cafeteria disorder—on Sunday again miss the mark in her dreadful analogy to a A Few Good Men.  Mika Brzezinski, whom I normally like, followed this morning on Morning Smoe claiming that Obama should’ve and could’ve been meaner.  Et tu, Mika? 

We DEFINITELY need therapy for this Freudian family disorder, and maybe when Chimpy, who has HUGE daddy-issues that will be on full display in Oliver Stone’s W., leaves office we will alas be free from this mass political psychosis.  

The Madwoman in Alaska

John McCain and the RNC have been very careful in the veiling and unveiling of Sarah Palin.  She was carefully concealed after her coming out party at the RNC, offering the media and the public just a few staged appearances with some lipstick and talking points.  

Her interview with CHARLIE Gibson may, in fact, be her only "real" media interview for now.  The American public may, in fact, have to rely on Tina Fey to satiate their Sarah fix.  The RNC wants to keep her quiet; the interview with Gibson certainly offers testimony to this fact--every time she speaks, her true character slips out. 

Similar to Charlotte Bronte's Bertha "Antoniette" Mason, the RNC's madwoman must be revealed slowly... incompletely... craftily.  Hiding behind the veil of sexism, claiming she has to study up on her foreign policy, stating that she needs to be in control of this new found media frenzy (character double, anyone?), simply proves that John McCain's operatives fear that we might actually get to know her true political and personal self.  

Unfortunately, even Rochester, a man of some education and worldliness was fooled by the shadowy, seductive figure.  

Here's hoping that John McCain's Bertha never gets enough power to burn down our houses.

Luckily for McCain, he'd still have six more to choose from. 

’08 & The Classroom Motif

’08 & The Classroom Motif

As columnist Bob Herbert noted yesterday, Sarah Palin resembles that unprepared student who clearly doesn’t know much about anything.  When Charlie Gibson asked Mrs. Palin about the Bush doctrine, it all became abundantly clear:  Mrs. Palin indeed looked like…a moose caught in headlights.  Put simply, in educator’s jargon, Mrs. Palin came off as a student BADLY misplaced in a class where she simply does not belong and where she will most likely fail.  This could all change, of course, if she cheats; if her symbolic parents—her Rovian surrogates—at the RNC make her jump a grade level, or two, or, hell, ten, on policy; and/or if she shows she can glide by with a low pass in the D range because her “parents” did most of her homework to counterbalance a pathetically low performance on the job. 

But what’s most interesting in all of this is the classroom motif that has manifested in the 08’ meta narrative, especially with Mrs. Palin’s meteoric emergence.  We hear reports about Mrs. Palin in terms of whether she passed or failed.  We hear stories of how Mrs. Palin is “cramming” on foreign policy matters because she knows so little.  Yet disturbingly enough, much of the American public digs her “studious” appearance because of her dress and the eyeglasses even though she is perhaps one of the most unqualified republican female politicians Mr. McCain could’ve selected:  Imagine had he considered Governor Christine Todd Whitman, Governor Jodi Rell, or Senator Kay Bailey Hutchison?  Clearly, these women would be appropriately placed in the narrative of national classroom politics, and, better yet, each of them would be a suitable VP choice for Mr. McCain’s presidential ticket.  Perhaps the mainstream media should consider why Mr. McCain LEFT THESE WOMEN BEHIND for a woman whose skills and experience indicate she should stay on the elementary school playground. 

Palin's Perverse Past

You know there is so much that lies in the adage "Truth is stranger than fiction". Why? Because I could possibly make this stuff up.

Now that the media has picked up their chins off the floor in regards to McCain's pick for a running mate right before the RNC, they are unearthing more and more about Sarah Palin's actual political career. (Before anyone says it, they are not out to get her; they are doing there job in informing the public about a relatively unknown figure that will be a heartbeat away from the presidency.

The Frontiersmen, an Alaskan newspaper, reported that when Palin was mayor of Wasilla, Alaska, the city charged victims of sexual assault between $300 and $1200 for their own rape kits. If you don't know, a rape kit is a sexual assault forensic evidence kit, used to collect DNA that can be used in criminal proceedings. The kit is performed as soon as possible after a sexual assault or attack has been committed.

So let me get this straight - a woman (or man) is assaulted, thus going through one horrific experience. The victim gets the guts up to report the crime and then has a rape kit done - thus another horrific experience because the victim has to relive the experience and it is uncomfortable physically (a yearly female exam magnified 10x). Then, the victim get s bill in the mail for $1200? Definitely a third horrific experience.

One point so Alaska itself doesn't get a bad rap - Gov. Tony Knowles, a Democrat, recently signed legislation protecting victims of sexual assault from being billed for tests to collect evidence of the crime, but one local police chief said the new law will further burden taxpayers.

The new law makes it illegal for any law enforcement agency to bill victims or victims insurance companies for the costs of examinations that take place to collect evidence of a sexual assault or determine if a sexual assault did occur.

People, please wake up and smell the coffee. I am all for smart women in powerful places, but if Sarah Palin is the smartest and the best female, I need to wake up from this nightmare...

And you thought no one was dumber than Chimpy...

Just when you thought that your eyes and ears only had to worry about what literally stupid remark Chimpy made, now you have to worry about Sarah Palin.

Now before you say : is this another tabloid story?", it isn't. This is a legitimate, caught-on-tape gaffe on a rally in Colorado Spring, CO today. In the clip, Palin claims that Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac had "gotten too big and too expensive to the taxpayers.". Freddy and Fannie "aren't taxpayer funded but operate as private companies. The takeover may result in a taxpayer bailout during reorganization." Economists, analysts, and intelligent people gobbled up her HUGE faux pas like college students at an all-you-can-eat happy hour buffet.

"You would like to think that someone who is going to be vice president and conceivable president would know what Fannie and Freddie do," said Dean Baker, co-director of the Center for Economic and Policy Research. "These are huge institutions and they are absolutely central to our country's mortgage debt. To not have a clue what they do doesn't speak well for her, I'd say."

The best part of the clip (the audio quality stinks; it is VERY low) is it could be in one of those MasterCard commercials because the look on John McCain's face is like 'oh f%@k' and absolutely PRICELESS when she makes this INCREDIBLY STUPID remark.