Dolores Umbridge '08

Dolores Umbridge '08

The reappearance of the ever dreadful, ever affected Peggy Noonan joining NBC networks as an analyst does seem like a sign of the apocalypse. Hey: The New York Times went under the bus for Sith Kristol, so NBC had to roll over dead for Smeggy Noonan. Where ARE David Brooks and Kate O’Beirne when you need them?

With all her posturing and fake sweetness, Noonan strangely resembles a real-life version of Harry Potter archconservative wizard, Dolores Umbridge. Ms. “read my lips” Noonan was a guest analyst last night on MSNBC’s coverage of the Nevada caucus. She then magically appeared this morning on “Meet the Press.”

Noonan is so sickening and scripted that she seems like a resentful reject from a high school drama production. Last night and today, she went on in histrionic fashion to reminisce about the Reagan revolution, to claim that the Republican Party is in search of “its soul,” and to warn that albeit she worked for Reagan, Bush I and Bush junior, she so dislikes the idea of presidential dynasties in American politics???? Peggy: are you trying to convince me or are you trying to convince yourself? Let’s not forget, the woman who made the case against Hillary Clinton (because she didn't hate Hillary; she only had "contempt" for her) can’t stand the idea of a Clinton restoration.

Look, I understand that these media outlets must have a fair representation of both liberal and conservative commentators. And I’m rejoicing in the fact that thankfully liberal Rachel Maddow is becoming a regular for MSNBC and conservative Matthew Dowd is cameo-ing on ABC—two, normal, intelligent, level-headed commentators. But why The New York Times signed a pact with a neoconservative Sith and NBC went to the ministry of magic to get Dolores Umbridge is beyond me.

It's Kristol Clear

It’s Kristol Clear

Just when I was ready to build a bridge; just when I imagined that the days of partisan politics might be over—indulge me for a minute!; just when I wanted to pat myself on the back for not foaming at the mouth over a new columnist at The New York Times, Neocon Sith Lord Bill Kristol f*cking shatters all hope.

Lord Billy made his debut today. Beginning his column by thanking Senator Barack Obama for preventing the possibility of another Clinton presidency, Billy Boy then goes on to insult the good Senator from Illinois: Kristol criticizes Barack for being a “liberal” Democrat—as opposed, I suppose, to a Judas Joe Lieberman Democrat—whom the Neocons fancy; Sith Bill says that Obama will “increase the scope of Nanny state”; and then Bill Pistol implies that Obama will not appoint the likes of Roberts and Alito to the Supreme Court—Thank the Jedi Yoda, for the force’s sake.

Wait, it gets better: Sith Bill then invokes…Troll Michelle Malkin—who oddly resembles a glammed-up ewok from time to time—for expert testimony in Kristol’s overall argument: to make the case for conservative Mike Huckabee as the GOP candidate who could beat Barack Obama should there be an ’08 election of change.

It’s Kristol clear that The New York Times, with William Safire long retired from the column page and David Brooks as the lone conservative remaining, wanted more balance. It’s just unclear why out of all the conservative intellectuals out there—and there are many, many respectable ones, they would disturb the force by making Sith Kristol a regular.