Friday, August 11, 2006

Because I cannot get over myself and because I refuse to abide by election results, I'm running for U.S. senate nonetheless based on MY beliefs and MY conscience. You see, the voters in the Democratic primary don't know any better. They are silly, angry folks who believe in partisan politics and care less about the war in Iraq and the facts that Hussein did partner with Osama bin Laden and stockpiled weapons of mass destruction. They don't know what I know: On the senate floor, Bill Frist was accurate in diagnosising Terri Schiavo's condition based on a two year video; Dick Cheney's energy policy, which resulted in you paying more at the pump, more for home heating, and more for electricty, is better for America, especially for residents in CT; and Fox News is the most reliable source for news and information. In fact, I am nominating Sean Hannity and Mann Coulter to be considered for Emmy Awards, for best actors in a prime-time drama.

I know that many of my colleagues will back my challenger, Ned Lamont. However, don't give them any mind. Hillary, who is trying to channel her inner-Pat Benatar tough image, refuses to acknowledge that politics is still dominated by men. Billy still can't control himself; that's why I voted to censure him in '98--and I would do it again. Infidelity is much worse than war crimes. And the other Democrats are still more concerned with wearing birks and going to Dead concerts because that bastard Dean has taken over the party. And the hell with those bloggers: they are terroists led by Maxine Waters and Jesse Jackson, who campaigned for...Ned Lamont.

I know you, like me, may not like election results. That's why I am pushing ahead. You see, like W., I recognize that votes, well, don't matter. It's about me. It's about my conscience. It's about what I believe is right. Join me as we push forward to establish unity, a new party that welcomes all. But remember: it's about me :-)

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