Coming to a Classroom Near You: The Cheating Narrative

Coming to a Classroom Near You: The Cheating Narrative

Cheating is epidemic in American society. Just take look at our public figures, for heaven’s sake: Cheating seems to be a prerequisite for the governorship of New York whether you're coming or going; cheating helped curious Georgey win the presidency in 2000; bad dog Bill cheated on Hillary; and just recently Hillary attempted to cheat the media with her Bosnia “fairy tale,” got caught, and subsequently received yet another zero for this latest pathetic attempt at creative campaigning.

So it should come as no surprise that while American students might not excel in certain academic subjects, they more oftentimes than not exceed standards when it comes to cheating. And every teacher, instructor, and professor, I’m sure, has a treasure trove of stories about cheating, about those who cheat, and about how they struggled to maintain their sanity when confronting those who cheat but who also pretend NOT TO know that they cheated. Mind boggling, I know.

On the high school level, cheating is a constant in the cult of adolescent personality. And generally speaking, the “cheating” narrative ascribes to the following plot points:

1. The cheater knowingly cheats regardless of being warned a 1.000 times.
2. The cheater usually can’t help make it obvious that s/he has cheated; in short, s/he is seldom “good” at it.
3. When caught, the cheater immediately PRETENDS NOT TO KNOW THAT s/he cheated.
4. Denial sets in.
5. The cheater then finds some lame-a## way to blame the teacher, instructor, or professor.
6. The crying game happens—and I’m not referring to the film of the same name.
7. At this point, the narrative goes one or two ways:

a. The cheater recognizes the obvious: s/he has been INCREDIBLY stupid, got caught, and SHOULD NOT do this again, although chances are s/he will.

b. The cheater CAN’T abandon a win at this point and thus resorts to the ultimate act of desperation: S/he brings in a parent as a "special operations" cheerleader, as an enabler of sorts, as the ultimate “character” witness.

I regret to inform you that choice “b” is the preferred choice of cheaters and their cheating parents, which brings me to my major point: How can we educators ever expect to stop cheating when parents blindly pass on their cheating behaviors to their children whom they are cheating out of some sort of moral growth and development?

It's about 2008

It’s about 2008

As Captain LIEberman, formerly Oedipus Lieberman, formerly Joe Lieberman, Republicrat from CT, fantasizes about going nuclear in India, George Bush loses his brain. Who knows what will happen next, especially considering that Bush’s brain is also known as a turd?

But Rove’s departure should come as no surprise. It’s real simple: what do you with your party’s best campaign strategist when you have a president whose approval ratings—ooh…ah—hover in the high 20s to mid 30s and there’s no “clear” frontrunner emerging, despite rumors that troll-looking Fred Thompson can work some Hogwarts magic? Send in Rove, Karl Rove.

Sure, the media can fixate on and speculate about Rove’s departure. Pundits can and will buy into the lame excuse that blossom wants to spend time with his family—and I’m a staffer at The National Review. But the obvious reason for Rove’s timely exit stage to Texas is to get ready for 2008. That became abundantly evident in his interview for The Wall Street Journal and during his guest spot on the Rush Limbaugh show. And what better way to ceremoniously yet symbolically reveal his plans than to call Hillary a “fatally flawed candidate.” I have to admit: I do like it that Hillary is channeling her inner Pat Benatar and hitting back.

It’s about 2008, stupid! No doubt, like the hand at the end of Carrie, Karl Rove will be back.

Broken Record

BROKEN RECORD

Like Jiminy Cricket, I hade high hopes: I thought he would chill after the colonoscopy. An epiphany? A break-through? A more satisfying bowel movement? Nope, not a chance. Today, Chimpy came back with a vengeance. For he played the same ol’ tune in a speech that centered on, you guessed it: terroism, al-Qaida, and Iraq.

He wants us to know that al-Qaida is a threat. Really? This is why, according to simian man, we invaded Iraq in the first place. And the WMDs? He urges us to believe that there are links between al-Qaida and Iraq—no shit, considering he has created a breeding nest for terrorists in the Middle East. Yo, haven't we heard this beat before? Lastly, all of his critics are just wrong, wrong, wrong. Could he be teething? Constipated? Lactose intolerant? Scared as hell of the return of the two Coreys? Whatever the cause, the temper tantrums are just too freaking much lately.

So there you have it: No change after the colonoscopy. Just more of Bush's broken record and his dreadful tunes on the war on terror.

The Week in Rear View: I See Crazy People

THE WEEK IN REAR VIEW: I SEE CRAZY PEOPLE

In M. Night’s The Sixth Sense, “I see dead people” became the film’s most popular line. In the dreadful foreign policy of the Neocon loons and Bush apologists, “I see progress” has become their most pathetic excuse. In The Sixth Sense, the child actually sees dead people. In the world of loons and apologists, they see progress mostly in their fantasies. From my infinitesimal corner of the universe, I see a bunch of crazy people.

Let’s start with none other than Crazy Captain Lieberman, formerly Oedipus Lieberman, formerly Senator Joe Lieberman, Democrat from Connecticut. Doing John McPretend better than John McPretend, crazy Joe went on a walk “through the park” of the streets of Baghdad, surrounded by the best protection our taxpayers’ money can buy. He said that he saw “progress.” In contrast, our troops continue to see dead people while chanting The Animals’ “we gotta out of this place…if it’s the last thing we ever do…” Crazy—I know.

What wasn’t crazy was that May was the third deadliest month in Iraq for our troops since we invaded in 2003. One would hope that on some level Crazy Captain Lieberman did, in fact, see dead people and if not in Iraq then certainly at home. For those of us living in the 2nd Congressional District in CT, earlier this week we read about the unfortunate, sad death of Lt. Keith Heidtman, who was 24 and had a bright future ahead of him. Not so crazy—I know.

What remains incredibly crazy is that there’s a third of America that still approves of Chimpy’s handling of Iraq. What will it take for them to recognize that there are many, many dead people, every day, theirs and ours, and that things aren’t getting any better? No surge, escalation or new strategy seems to work. And the other two thirds who disapprove of the war need to reassess things as well. With Cindy Sheehan’s official departure from the anti-war movement, she reaffirms that both Republicans and Democrats are responsible mostly to their corporate donors, and, moreover, for this prolonged “we are in our last throes” war. Really crazy—I know.

Back to The Sixth Sense. In the film, the ghost psychiatrist, played by Bruce Willis, helps the young boy Cole to deal with his fear of seeing dead people. In America, let’s hope that the ghosts of our country will let us see that the mounting dead in Iraq is cause enough to begin ending this war. Hopefully crazy—maybe so.