And you thought no one was dumber than Chimpy...

Just when you thought that your eyes and ears only had to worry about what literally stupid remark Chimpy made, now you have to worry about Sarah Palin.

Now before you say : is this another tabloid story?", it isn't. This is a legitimate, caught-on-tape gaffe on a rally in Colorado Spring, CO today. In the clip, Palin claims that Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac had "gotten too big and too expensive to the taxpayers.". Freddy and Fannie "aren't taxpayer funded but operate as private companies. The takeover may result in a taxpayer bailout during reorganization." Economists, analysts, and intelligent people gobbled up her HUGE faux pas like college students at an all-you-can-eat happy hour buffet.

"You would like to think that someone who is going to be vice president and conceivable president would know what Fannie and Freddie do," said Dean Baker, co-director of the Center for Economic and Policy Research. "These are huge institutions and they are absolutely central to our country's mortgage debt. To not have a clue what they do doesn't speak well for her, I'd say."

The best part of the clip (the audio quality stinks; it is VERY low) is it could be in one of those MasterCard commercials because the look on John McCain's face is like 'oh f%@k' and absolutely PRICELESS when she makes this INCREDIBLY STUPID remark.

Back in the USSR?

Growing up, I received advice from my father. You know, the usual what to do if I ever had mechanical problems on the long drive between my college town of Orono and home, how to throw pitches other than the the typical three thrown by most softball pitchers and how to read opposing batters, be respectful of elders, be polite, and other things.

One thing that I remember him talking about has come to the forefront in light of Russia's recent invasion of its neighbor Georgia. When I was in elementary school, the Cold War was still ablaze and my father, while not working directly for the government or a branch of the military, worked for General Dynamics/Electric Boat Division in Groton. Because of his job and his age (my dad is part of the "bomb shelter" generation), he was interested in and kept abreast of the political situations between our country and allies and the Soviets and their allies. During this time, our school routinely had "evacuation drills" in case of nuclear attack. (If you are not familiar with SE Connecticut, please note that within a 20-mile radius, there are two nuclear power plants, the largest submarine builder in the world (Electric Boat), Dow Chemical, Pfizer Pharmaceutical, a Coast Guard Academy, a US Navy submarine school, Sonalysts (they make state-of-the-art sonar equipment and many other things, and a Hess gas/oil storage facility to name a few important things.)

After one of these drills, I asked my dad about these drills. He rattled off the list above, we talked about the Cuban Missile Crisis, and, weirdly, he quoted Nostradamus. This last item perplexed me as my dad, while educated, is a "man's man" and did not talk about things like predictions and "what may be", like horoscopes and fortune telling. He told me that Nostradamus basically predicted that our country's biggest enemy and problem would be "the bear from the north". Naturally, I am paraphrasing for brevity, but you get the picture.

This "prediction" has come up many times over the years and, most recently, came up this week as Russia invade and fired upon the country of Georgia and its people. My father and I watched a news update as we saw Georgia's capital taken hostage and its people and journalists fired upon by the Russian army. The "conflict" is over "finger-pointing" between the countries over who is responsible for the "ethnic cleansing" in South Ossetia. Russian President Dmitry Medvedev and Prime Minister Vladimir Putin are taking a hard line with Georgia as Chimpy and Condi try to cater to them and get them to gently back down, without hurting the Russian government's feelings. Despite a cease-fire brokered by the European Union, Russia is still taking a hard line in Georgia at this writing.

Some people are shocked; my dad and I are not. Did everyone, including the White House, miss when Putin's presidential term was over that he basically picked his successor and then named himself prime minister? Ummm.... it has been a while since I have taken a Political Science class, but isn't that what people in a dictatorship do?

Russia still has a great deal of military fire power and, if need be, they could roll over its smaller neighbors and take control of more. Did everyone miss how the Russians are gobbling up rights to certain land areas in the north that are considered to hold untapped oil reserves? Did everyone miss when Medvedev publicly announced that "Georgia won't go unpunished" and called the Georgian government "morons"? I am not saying that I know the whole story, but the way the Russian are going about things smacks of "something ain't right here".

The signs of this Georgian takeover (or something like it) have been there for some time, and Bush has elected to, as usual, go on some "road trip" (in this case the Olympics) instead of doing his job. We need to ask Obama and McCain what they are going to do if elected. The problem in the former Soviet Union is not going away anytime soon and I feel safe saying that Bust won't take care of it either. In any case, Americans should arm themselves with the knowledge that is out there regarding this crisis and keep an eye on it.

Olympic Gold?

Ever since I can remember, the Olympics have enthralled me. I cheered for Dorothy Hamil, Eric Heiden, Mark Spitz, the 1980 hockey team, Mary Lou Retton, Kerri Strug, and various others. I wept for Tai and Randy, Mary Decker, and all of the 1980 Olympians when the government boycotted the Moscow Olympics. Perhaps it was the competitive athlete in me or I was moved by the athletes’ emotions; the Olympics have never failed to move me.

This year is no different. Obviously, Michael Phleps is putting on a show at the pool as well as the men’s gymnastics team earning bronze without the powerhouse Hamm brothers. The Williams sisters are burning up the tennis court while our basketball and softball teams do the same in their venues. Even sports I never knew were sports thrill me (who knew that watching synchronized diving and kayaking were so exciting?).

However, the Olympics are filling me with other emotions this year. Since the announcement of the Beijing Games in 2001, I have been puzzled and perplexed the International Olympic Committee, which stands for camaraderie and, by its own credo, the promotion of ethics, would hold the Olympics here. The announcement came a mere three years after Tiananmen Square and when China was still the only threatening Communist country in the world. Then, I also realized that part of the Olympic spirit was to have faith. I thought that perhaps China would move toward a better treatment of its people in the way it was progressing into the 21st century in other areas. I tried to have faith.

However, this faith has given way to dread and anger. This spring, one of my students was excited to go back to her homeland of Tibet this summer with a visit to China and the Olympics, bringing one of her friends along. (She was lucky enough to have fled the Chinese-oppressed Tibet when she was younger.) However, her trip was not to be as she explained to me the difficulties of her getting into China, and the possibilities of what may happen.

The Chinese government made promises to the IOC that journalists from other countries would be able to work freely and they would be provided the tools to do so during the Games. These promised evaporated once the games were eminent. Limited internet access is the least of journalists’ problems as many of them, according to Voice of America, are being harassed and detained. Journalists that are trying to cover the “terrorist attacks” in the Xinjiang province against police have been beaten, detained, and had their work erased.

What about the opening ceremony "snafus"? The little girl that sang so beautifully was not the real singer. She lip-synced for the real singer whom the "powers that be" deemed too ugly to represent the country. The amazing "footprint fireworks" over the city were also found to be computer generated.

On the second day of the Olympics, U.S. men's volleyball coach Hugh McCutcheon’s father-in-law and mother-in-law were stabbed. He father-in-law died from the attack while his mother-in-law’s condition is now stable and improving. Little coverage has come out about the attack and less has been said about what the Chinese police are doing to catch the murderer.

Protest parks, built for “approved” demonstrations, remain empty. Reports state that police detain anyone who has filed a petition for protest. Police put three Americans on a plane home after they peaceably demonstrated for a free Tibet.

Obviously, I could go on and on with this (and include a tirade how "Chimpy" is being an idiot for ogling the bikini-clad women’s volleyball players and moronically holding the American flag the wrong way) as the games are not over yet. My point is if the “civilized’ world is so “gung-ho” on correcting human rights violations, what the heck are we doing? What more proof do we need that China not only does not care about the common person, but they are using the Games to flex its muscle and influence? Our government once before boycotted the games held in a country that at the time was doing similar things. Did it hurt athletes? Yes, but people understood that human life and liberty are more important than a medal.

I do not condone war and violence. However, when are the “civilized” countries of the world going to stop being bullied and stand up for those who cannot do it for themselves? Or are the all-mighty buck and television ratings more important in the world today? Olympic spirit indeed.

Faux (News) Pas

On Friday, FEMA admitted to holding a fake press conference in regards to the wildfires in Southern California. This act is despicable on so many levels it makes my head spin.

FEMA said that it announced the press conference last minute therefore, the media could not get there in time to cover it. They did set up phone lines for the press to listen to the conference, but these lines would not allow the press to ask questions. They did claim that the questions the FEMA employees that posed as “journalists” asked where actually questions real journalists had asked FEMA. Huh? Didn’t they state that journalists couldn’t ask questions via the press conference phone line? Did the reporters call earlier and leave questions on the answering machine for FEMA to plot their pat answer for at the later press conference?

Chimpy’s White House staff calls the FEMA move “ not a practice that we would employ here at the White House” (LOL! I’ll let our host handle that one!) and Michael Chertoff, Homeland Security Chief whose agency oversees FEMA, said, "I think it was one of the dumbest and most inappropriate things I've seen since I've been in government." (Dumb? Yes. Most inappropriate? Where have you been for the last few years!?!?!)

Instead of faking a news conference when you plan it a whole 15 minutes in advance, you do what anyone would do trying to get information out in a timely matter to the public – you release a press STATEMENT and hold the news conference the following day. DUH! Self-promoting? Sure, but at least you aren’t lying.

It is bad enough that even respectable news organizations are carrying celebrity news (soft news) on their newscasts along with things that matter and effect people (hard news i.e. wars, famine, politics, elections, etc.). But, at least the celebrity news is real, even if most all of it is vapid and not earth-shattering. Faking a news conference goes against of principle of true journalism – it is pure, unadulterated lying. Any educated person knows that you cannot air or print something in media that you know to be false. It does not take a Pulitzer-Prize winning journalist of Woodward or Bernstein caliber to understand this concept.

Chertoff says people will be punished for this bonehead move that has now blackened FEMA’s other eye, the first eye blackened two years ago by its screw-up during and after Hurricane Katrina struck the Gulf Coast. It is Sunday and nothing has been announced as of yet… so we’ll see I guess. Here’s hoping that FEMA doesn’t have to visit my area any time soon.

Is This New Information?

IS THIS NEW INFORMATION?

It seems that things have not improved with the newly passed legislation that enables Chimpy to continue to spy on Americans. It seems like Chimpspionage as usual. Perhaps it’s the release of The Bourne Ultimatum that has curious George doing somersaults in his cage as if he really were a spy on a mission. No doubt, the Democrats failed to deliver a real ULTIMATUM to our Commander-in-Chief. While they lost their spines, they put their index fingers on their noses and said “not it” when it comes to confronting the moronic monkey and his Cyclops, surrogate father. The Republicans were no better; they just did the usual: lockstep to “skip-to-my-lou,” my monkey.

The Senate just gave the Chimpernator the green light; the House put up a bit of a fight and just flatlined to go on vacation to get some sort of “compromise” of the bill. Meanwhile, the spy who “loves” you and me continues to do what he wants, when he wants, and however he wants, regardless of approval, disapproval ratings, or the constitution for that matter. Is this new information?

Sunday Morning Horror Show

SUNDAY MORNING HORROR SHOW

On Sundays we wake up with the children. We have breakfast and many cups of coffee, of course. We try to read the papers while keeping the kids busy; N. likes his trains and The Backyardigans; C. likes anything to chew on because she’s teething. We usually take a peek at the Sunday morning political shows, just to see what’s cooking. Later in the morning, we may or may not get to mass; hey man, we’re Catholic, so allow us our confessions.

I was actually anticipating watching the Republican debate on This Week with Georgey S. Thus far, though, it’s been a flipping horror show. I started to get worried when “I want to re-write the constitution” nutbag Sam Brownback pontificated about abortion and porn-star named Mitt Romney’s multiple stances on that issue and many others. I got real worried when Nosferatu Giuliani started the frat-boy gang-bang of the Democratic candidates because---I swear he said this—none of them said the 1 word “Islamic Terrorism” in their debates. I panicked when porn-star named Slick Romney pounced on Senator Barack Obama’s suggestion to meet with world leaders like Chavez and Castro. My coffee almost went flying from my mouth in “Linda Blair” pea soup fashion when many of them played the typical game of hiding behind the “soldiers” to defend Chimpy’s War of Error in Iraq.

I’m going to continue watching this horror show, though, because Ron Paul does seem--from time to time--to make sense; maybe he and other sensible, Goldwater Republicans can rescue their party from the hijackers who seem to destroy it.

9.15.07

9.15.07

As the days of Alberto Goneliar run short, we creep closer to a deadline in September: September 15, the day when General David Petraeus reportedly delivers his assessment on the surge to Chimpy, or better yet, he delivers Chimpy’s assessment to the American people. As Frank Rich has beautifully noted in today’s column, “Who Really Took Over During That Colonoscopy,” Chimpy’s War of Error’s latest missionary man, Petraeus, is not the savior Chimpy and the hawks would like him to be, regardless of their rock star mantra of Petraeus, Petraeus, please SAVE US!!!! You can almost imagine Senators Lindsey Graham and Captain LIEberman clapping their hands, doing a jig and singing a song, cheering Chimpy & Petraeus along.

One would think that the Chimpletons would pick a day different than the 15th and a month different than September. We all know that 15 recalls the tragic end of Shakespeare’s obdurate, isolated character Caesar, and we Americans certainly know that September reverberates with the haunting reminders of 9/11 and the wake of Katrina, two events that rate rather high on the index of recent tragedies. But in Bush’s world, in Bush’s brain, neither fact nor fiction matter; only what the decider says does. Beware of the "ides"* of September.

*Note: Yes, I'm well aware that "ides" refers to the 15th of March, May, July and October; it is actually the 13th in other months. I just "decided" to exercise some creativity to "catapult the propaganda."

Broken Record

BROKEN RECORD

Like Jiminy Cricket, I hade high hopes: I thought he would chill after the colonoscopy. An epiphany? A break-through? A more satisfying bowel movement? Nope, not a chance. Today, Chimpy came back with a vengeance. For he played the same ol’ tune in a speech that centered on, you guessed it: terroism, al-Qaida, and Iraq.

He wants us to know that al-Qaida is a threat. Really? This is why, according to simian man, we invaded Iraq in the first place. And the WMDs? He urges us to believe that there are links between al-Qaida and Iraq—no shit, considering he has created a breeding nest for terrorists in the Middle East. Yo, haven't we heard this beat before? Lastly, all of his critics are just wrong, wrong, wrong. Could he be teething? Constipated? Lactose intolerant? Scared as hell of the return of the two Coreys? Whatever the cause, the temper tantrums are just too freaking much lately.

So there you have it: No change after the colonoscopy. Just more of Bush's broken record and his dreadful tunes on the war on terror.

Meanwhile, in AfGONEistan

Meanwhile, in AfGONEistan*

Things are only getting worse. The Taliban has re-emerged big time. They are not only tailgating on the Afghanistan/Pakistan border, pledging to the Osama Not Been Found terrorist fraternity club, they are also alive, killing, and kidnapping inside Afghanistan as well. So much for American-backed governments during Bush’s War on Terror. Do yourself a favor and check out David Reiff’s great piece “Policing Terrorism" in The New York Times Magazine to see why Bush has been wrong and John Kerry was right—well, you know--on dealing with terrorism.

Just this week, the Taliban kidnapped and killed a German. They also kidnapped a group of South Korean Missionaries, prompting South Korea to pull out the few soldiers that contributed to Chimpy’s better-known, King Kong fantasy, “The Coalition of the Willing.” And speaking of fantasies and delusions, the least said about the record-breaking Afghanistan poppy trade the better. Perhaps things will change after Chimpy had his colonoscopy and five deferment Dick was President for a day--NOT!


*For more about AfGONEistan and the world of Chimpy and some laughs, check out Reconstitution 2.0.

Scary Things

Scary Things

We should’ve known. After all, the summer blockbuster season is upon us. The last installment in the Harry Potter epic will be out on Saturday. And Hey Paula seems to be the reality TV hit of the season. Of course, the Chimpy political machine must make its presence known.

The resurrection of The Prince of Darkness, Bob Novak, should’ve clued us in. With Darth Novak’s ceremonious return from a self-induced witness protection gig from the Plame headline, we have the latest wave of Chimpy & Co.’s reign of terror. We should all listen to our gut feelings about what this means.

What’s different with this wave, though, is that the Chimpy Storytelling department shows a real sloppiness with their use of fear, and, alas, it may be finally backfiring on them. Let’s start with the epicenter of much terror, Iraq, where real terrorism seems to be multiplying faster than American Idol goes into more syndication. Dispatching fear queen, counterterrorism adviser Frances Townsend, the administration invoked al-Qaida this week as much as Bravo TV has been promoting Hey Paula. Poor Paula: now she has to compete with Osama-Not-Been-Found for ratings. The subtext of what Townsend broadcast to us—to no surprise—is that the same group the administration claims to have reduced and restricted in its war on terror is stronger than ever. There’s a shocker. However, somebody in the storytelling department didn’t get the story right and may need a refresher of Abul’s “Straight Up.” Because now, in so many words, they are admitting that al-Qaida may come here because we aren’t containing them over there—yet another indication that things in Iraq aren’t as good as pajama-party boy Captain Lieberman and company would like you to think.

The Townsend episode din’t get the fear traction Chimpy wanted, even with the MSM downplaying the Democratic initiated all-nighter on Iraq in the Senate as mere “political theater.” For one would only have to read beyond the Townsend narrative to learn that others in Chimpy’s corner are struggling with assessing Iraq as nice and cute like Paula assesses a tone-deaf contestant on American Idol. For example today, Ambassador to Iraq, Ryan Crocker, gave a rather grim assessment of things to the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, attempting to move the goal posts yet again. Crocker did mention, though, that “fear” pervades Iraq in all aspects, which must’ve made the Chimper proud.

Also riding the fear wave to make Chimpy proud was none other than porn-star-named Mitt Romney. Rather than tackle Iraq, a real scary thing, slick Mitt attacked Barack Obama who stated that kindergarten students ought to be taught the difference between a good touch and a bad touch in an effort to protect them from pedophiles. Jumping on his surfboard to ride the fear wave of the reactionary right, slick Mitt—who approved of age appropriate sex education as governor—made age appropriate instruction for small children to protect them from scary people...the scariest thing of all.

American Confessions

American Confessions

OK, so I just caught Senator Vitter’s DC Madam Press Conference on Spitball. It was a spectacular affair. There with his wife, who was interestingly clad in what seemed to be a leopard print dress, the disgraced Senator confessed to his sins, admitted in so many words that what he did was hugely embarrassing, and then allowed the wife to talk. Wifey, a.k.a. Wendy Vitter, a.k.a. "I'm a lot more like Lorena Bobbitt than Hillary,” who once stood proud criticizing the sins of Billy Clinton, declared that this was a deeply private matter between her and husband. The lady did protest too much, methinks.

Look, I like American confessions. I love the confessional poetry of Sylvia Plath, Anne Sexton, and Langston Hughes. I loved the times when, bada bing, Tony Soprano strangely confessed his troubles to Dr. Melfi. And I truly appreciated it when certain senators in the Democratic Party admitted to making the wrong choice when they voted to authorize Chimpy to go to war in Iraq.

Quite frankly, I don’t care what people do in their private lives, including Senator Vitter and his sexcapades with prostitutes. Maybe he and his party should think twice before throwing stones…in a madam’s house. The war in Iraq and the plights of our troops are far more important. That we can’t get the Iraq War cheerleaders to engage in some American confessions of their own is far more of a shame than what or whom Senator Vitter did in his private life.

Shadows of Doubt

SHADOWS OF DOUBT

My father went to Vietnam. After being there during the tumult in ’68, he was a real fortunate son who came home in ’69. My father had few if any visible injuries; the psychological scars, though, are legible to my family and me to this day, some 38 years after his return. Make no mistake about it, we ARE VERY GRATEFUL for his duty and his safe return, and after reading The Day’s “Coming Home Wounded,” courtesy of the Associated Press, sometimes I don’t think we know how grateful we are. In short, the human price for war manifests itself in many different forms.

As the blogger at Drinking Liberally in Milford has duly noted this week, the troops recognize the failure of this war more so now than ever. They want and deserve to come home especially now that it’s become apparent that all benchmarks, reports, and first-hand accounts suggest Iraq spirals in failure.

Some officials are trying to do something about the war aside from just debating and spinning. Thanks to Senator Jim Webb’s proposed legislation, if soldiers were to be re-deployed, they at least deserve a well-earned rest. But no thanks to certain hawks, including Insane in the Membrane Captain Lieberman, that legislation never came to pass.

It seems that the troops don’t believe in the mission any more. It seems that their shadows of doubt arise from authentic experience, not press room spin. It seems that they are grounded in reality whereas Chimpy and toddler company continue in their arrested development of temper tantrums and ego-mania. It seems we need to listen to the soldiers’ misgivings, for they are, after all, on the front line.

Gut Feelings

Gut Feelings

Look out everybody: Skeletor Michael Chertoff, Homeland Security Puke, has a “gut” feeling—you can’t make this shit up—that a terrorist attack is coming this summer. Nice, huh? Facts and evidence fall by the wayside in this administration; gut feelings obviously rule the day.

When you think about it, the gut feeling policy seems to explain a lot, doesn't it? For it could be that Chimpy acted on his gut to invade Iraq in the first place; he could, in fact, have had a gut feeling that THERE were WMDs, regardless of whether or not they were actually there; perhaps it was his gut, after a bad cajun meal, that led him to virtually ignore Katrina in her first 48 hours; and maybe, just maybe it's Chimpy's gut that's telling him not to pull out of Iraq, the hell with reality.

The Week in Rear View: I See Crazy People

THE WEEK IN REAR VIEW: I SEE CRAZY PEOPLE

In M. Night’s The Sixth Sense, “I see dead people” became the film’s most popular line. In the dreadful foreign policy of the Neocon loons and Bush apologists, “I see progress” has become their most pathetic excuse. In The Sixth Sense, the child actually sees dead people. In the world of loons and apologists, they see progress mostly in their fantasies. From my infinitesimal corner of the universe, I see a bunch of crazy people.

Let’s start with none other than Crazy Captain Lieberman, formerly Oedipus Lieberman, formerly Senator Joe Lieberman, Democrat from Connecticut. Doing John McPretend better than John McPretend, crazy Joe went on a walk “through the park” of the streets of Baghdad, surrounded by the best protection our taxpayers’ money can buy. He said that he saw “progress.” In contrast, our troops continue to see dead people while chanting The Animals’ “we gotta out of this place…if it’s the last thing we ever do…” Crazy—I know.

What wasn’t crazy was that May was the third deadliest month in Iraq for our troops since we invaded in 2003. One would hope that on some level Crazy Captain Lieberman did, in fact, see dead people and if not in Iraq then certainly at home. For those of us living in the 2nd Congressional District in CT, earlier this week we read about the unfortunate, sad death of Lt. Keith Heidtman, who was 24 and had a bright future ahead of him. Not so crazy—I know.

What remains incredibly crazy is that there’s a third of America that still approves of Chimpy’s handling of Iraq. What will it take for them to recognize that there are many, many dead people, every day, theirs and ours, and that things aren’t getting any better? No surge, escalation or new strategy seems to work. And the other two thirds who disapprove of the war need to reassess things as well. With Cindy Sheehan’s official departure from the anti-war movement, she reaffirms that both Republicans and Democrats are responsible mostly to their corporate donors, and, moreover, for this prolonged “we are in our last throes” war. Really crazy—I know.

Back to The Sixth Sense. In the film, the ghost psychiatrist, played by Bruce Willis, helps the young boy Cole to deal with his fear of seeing dead people. In America, let’s hope that the ghosts of our country will let us see that the mounting dead in Iraq is cause enough to begin ending this war. Hopefully crazy—maybe so.

SEX AS A WEAPON

SEX AS A WEAPON

Medea, Medusa, Cleopatra, Hedda Gabler, Margaret Thatcher, Camille Paglia—women from literature, history, and popular culture who know how to play hardball with men, who know how to attack, and, in some instances, who know how to win. In Thursday night’s first debate of Democratic presidential contenders, Hillary Clinton boldly showed that she can be one of these women.

Like her or hate her—I myself was none too pleased with the misleading “If I knew then what I know now” line of crap, Senator Clinton presented herself confidently, decisively, and with a sense of command. Sorry progressives and fellow bloggers on the left: our favorites, Obama and Edwards, didn’t do too well.

Obama stuttered and flopped his way through and Edwards truly seemed dazed and confused; that last response on morality was one momentary lapse too long; Edwards’ narrative of poor, Huckleberry me was re-used, 2004 rhetoric that should be gone.

Yes, Brian Williams channeled Maureen Dowd’s cattiness with the $400 haircut topic; the real “yes” moment went to Joe Biden for being laconic.

As Bill Richardson talked like Joe Biden better than Joe Biden, Kucinich and Gravel terrorized the rest with candor while being “frightened.”

Clinton and Dodd possessed the statesmanship, calm and reason to manage the storm. In this Ship of Fools of Chimpy, Cheney, Captain Lieberman, and “bomb, bomb, bomb Iran” McCainy, we desperately need a sane Commander-in-Chief to right some wrongs.

As we move closer to 2008, the American mainstream media does what it likes best: fake news on the debate, Alec Baldwin, and the rest. Meanwhile, Chris Matthews, Tucker Carlson, and several men drool: “what do we do now if America does NOT think she’s a shrew?” “We’ll use her sex as weapon to pick apart her clothes, to point out she’s too shrill, and to remind us of Rick Lazio.”

Funny, outside the U.S. they called the debate for Hillary. Thankfully, they are not as hung up on sex and gender and think Americans are far too silly.

OF VICE AND MEN

Of Vice and Men

There was a disturbance in the force this week. At first I thought it was the temperature fluctuating. Then I thought it was the anxiety that comes with those family gatherings around the holidays. I considered other possible disruptive sources, including: tax time, college acceptance/rejection/realization—you pick, or Keith Richards claiming—yes, folks—that he snorted his father’s remains while indulging in some blow; gives new meaning to “Satisfaction,” huh? Something was definitely in the air; we know IT could've been in the blow.

For me it started Monday. I woke with a migraine, called out sick to work, only to discover that Captain Lieberman, formerly Oedipus Lieberman, formerly Joseph Lieberman, formerly a Democrat, now an “independent,” ever threatening to be…a Republican, still a supporter of Chimpy, docked himself in my area—a disturbance, indeed—for a photo-op with Congressman Courtney at the Pine Point School in Stonington. Hence, I self-diagnosed why I felt like someone put a chainsaw in my head and immediately sensed that I had a “bad feeling” about all of this.

The disturbance only got better or worse—you decide. Speaking of deciding, out came the manly “decider” to castigate the Democratic-controlled congress, of which Republicans are obviously members, for going on…vacation. This is beautiful coming from a man who has spent more than a year of his presidency on…vacation. Perhaps Chimpy was fantasizing about blow before that press conference. Who knows? But the decider did seem crazier than ever; let’s wait and see if he starts frantically itching his nose.

Of course, with Fredo’s forthcoming “whack,” with The Big K getting mobbed by students at American University— for his bullshit, not for his rap gig, and with the mainstream “liberal” media doing a bitch-hunt over Speaker Pelosi’s trip to the Middle East while conveniently downplaying she was part of a delegation including Republicans and completely neglecting the Republican one there recently, Chimpy did seem off his axis with all these disturbances in his life.

Thus Darth Cheney came out of his pod to send shockwaves throughout the galaxy. And Darth didn’t disappoint. First target: Pelosi. Five Deferment Dick—a real American man—spoke to anal cyst Rush Limpfart—another man’s man—to denounce Pelosi and to suggest that the Democrats on the Senate Foreign Relations Committee were, get this, “Stalinist,” for not supporting Sam Fox, a known contributor to the now debunked Swift Boat Veterans that shamelessly went after Senator John Kerry, someone who actually DID SERVE in Vietnam. Definitely disturbing.

But Darth Dick’s craziness didn’t stop there; was he, too, having blow-like fantasies? Next target: the American public. Darth went on to claim, once again, that there were links between Iraq and Al-Qaeda that we all now know were bogus. Cheney’s blatant posturing prefaced yet another man’s crusade to prove that he’s a man’s man: porn-star named Mitt Romney tried to convince us—and the conservative Ted Nugent base—that he’s a real hunter, a hardcore “rabbit” gunslinger who just proudly joined the NRA…last year. Come away from the dark side of the force, Mitt: didn’t you read the headlines that you outperformed your Republican challengers in fundraising?

In this fake era overpopulated with fake men over-determined to validate their fake manliness, when an aging rock star’s initial claim (possibly a fake one) that he snorted his father’s ashes along with cocaine seems more real and oddly genuine, America, we don’t have a disturbance, we have a serious problem.

AMERICAN BEAUTY

AMERICAN BEAUTY

It’s been a beautiful week, hasn’t it? The weather has been nice, temperatures are rising, and old man winter seems to have finished his gig. Too bad ol’ Chimpy hasn’t finished his.

If you tried to keep up with all the scandals, the “masking” of real news with fake news, and the rising tensions in Iran, you’d quickly realize that while the weather gets nicer, things in D.C. get uglier by the minute and most Americans are undoubtedly unconscious.

I myself started getting the heebie-jeebies when Secretary of No Education Maggie Spellings told Dana Perino, the deputy White House Press Secretary, who must fill-in for Tony Snow, that she should “Put [her] big-girl panties on." What could Maggie mean? Is she, too, into some sort of kink like other White House folks, in the spirit of Jeff Gannon-Guckert—you know: the gay prostitute who was a part of the White House Press Corps? Or are these Maggie’s sincere words of endearment? Maybe Maggie is beefing up her resumé as a hallmark greeting card writer? Or perhaps this is Maggie’s way of acknowledging that just like American students’ test scores, No Child Left Behind is in the toilet. In any case, Maggie’s brilliance once again had me envisioning the apocalypse.

But what really put me over the edge, though, was Rove the Rapper. WTF? Has the The Big K been reading 1% More Conscious? Was he a fan of “The Hollow Men?” Wishful thinking—I know, I know, I know. But, man, with Maggie Spidiot cheering and The Big K frontin’, I definitely saw the horsemen of the apocalypse comin’. So I did a little diggin’, some readin’, and a whole lot of thinkin’ to find that things are really fubar’d, or at least so they seem.

After listening to Karl Sampson say he couldn’t remember/recollect a thing, including whether or not he took a dump the morning of his testimony, only an idiot wouldn’t recognize that team Bush has grossly and unethically handled the justice department. Saudia Arabia, one of our few friends in the Middle East, has openly criticized our operations in Iraq and in the rest of the Middle East. Gas prices are once again soaring. The Iranians have captured members of the British navy, and the Internets (s intended and dedicated to: Chimpy) is abuzz with the prospect of a bombing campaign in Iran on April 6th known as Operation Bite. And poor Pat Tillman’s mother suspects that he was actually murdered because he became increasingly vocal against Chimpy’s war once he was in Iraq.

Meanwhile, most Americans are oozing out of March Madness, dealing with their taxes, and/or figuring out how to finance their kids’ college education now that most acceptance letters are out. Yet we are being informed about Marie Osmond’s divorce (who gives a shit?) and Courtney Love’s new body (yeah, she’s switched from heroin to other drugs). You’ve got to be kidding me?

So when Maggie talks about big-girl panties and The Big K has two turntables and a microphone, you know where it’s at: like the film American Beauty reveals about our culture, things are much, much uglier than what they seem.

THE HOLLOW MEN

THE HOLLOW MEN

If you heard one Republican apologist this week, you heard them all. It’s been like listening to a bad record skip all over the media with these stuffed men paying homage to their party rather than their country.

There were so many talking heads justifying, analyzing, talking about, explaining, parsing, explicating, comparing and contrasting why this administration does the things it does (pull down options):

A. Screw up.
B. Create a scandal.
C. Mismanage government, a war, and foreign policy.
D. Respond to a natural catastrophe.
E. All of the Above

Hell, let’s go with all of the above. It almost seemed like Karl Rove was re-mixing material for an RNC rendition of rapper’s delight. Can I get a beat for grandmaster spin, flavor munster Tony Snow? Hip-hop-hooray…ho…hey!...T-o-n-y…Snow…yea!

This all started with the latest scandal plaguing the administration: the politically-motivated firing of completely competent, Republican (yes, Republican) US attorneys who were apparently not aggressive enough in pursuing the political enemies of Chimpy Company: any and all Democrats. The first problem for these attorneys was that they were competent; only the incompetent & Republican survive in Chimpy’s world. The second problem was they wouldn’t do what several other stuffed people do: put party over country.

But let’s get our beat back: Enter Fab Five Fredo Gonzales, who’s really B-A-D with memorizing his rap because it’s become abundantly apparent he’s lied. So now that Fredo Gonzales might be getting whacked, as Franck Rich has beautifully noted in his column today, every RNC idol worshipper has booked appearances on every show imaginable to doublespeak this mess. Let’s take a look at the most and least tolerable performances to see which rap makes sense.

Andrew Sullivan on Olberman this past week gave Sullivan the RNC most tolerable performance, as Andy went where few RNC storm troopers go: Countdown. Seriously, it was a good interview—he got his dig in on Hillary. But rather than blister with the Republican colic, a disorder that paralyzes the likes of Michael Savage, David Horowitz and others, Andy admitted what most level-headed people know, including true conservatives: the conservative movement is almost dead thanks to Chimpy and Company, Ronald Reagan is rolling and crying in his grave, and Mann Coulter needs to stop calling people fags because there are many respectable gay republicans, like Sullivan himself. Like it or not, Sullivan made sense.

While Sullivan showed that some RNC troopers can be faithful to their country over their party, David Frum busted out from the American Enterprise Institute, the gansta’ spot of neoconservativism, to deliver the least tolerable, Vanilla Ice rap of the week. Ice-icing crap with his rap, Frum tried to spin his shit by fronting on Real Time with Maher. This was beautiful political theater, as Davey Fly Frum just stuck to the RNC rapper’s delight script: lie, lie, baby. The war isn’t as bad as we think, there’s nothing wrong with firing these attorneys and then lying about the firing of these attorneys, and Chimpy has every right to be a Darth Imperial leader in a democracy. Needless to say, Frum made no sense other than proving John Dean’s thesis in Conservatives without a Conscience: sometimes the blind just follow the blind.

Frum was perhaps the least tolerable performance among a group of hollow men—and many women—who don’t quite realize that we have to stop idolizing Mistah Bush who would rather end things with a bang, not a whimper.

A DOLT'S HOUSE

A DOLT’S HOUSE

Our son doesn’t like us to use the word “stupid.” He tells us—because we’ve repeatedly told him—that he “doesn’t like that word.” So since we’ve been banned from using the word “stupid” in our house, I’m dedicating this entry to the stupidity in America, and, folks, there’s plenty of it.

Just take a look at our national politicians this week. Both sides of the aisle have boldly displayed stupidity like no dolt before. Ladies first: Hillary Clinton. Hillary “don’t ask, don’t tell” Clinton had the audacity at first to sidestep on whether or not homosexuality was “immoral.” But after quickly realizing how stupid a move she had made and after being apparently scolded for her stupidity by a triangulating consultant or two, Hillary issued a statement clarifying her initial stupidity that homosexuality was not immoral.

Gentlemen second: Barack did some maneuvering as well, but he was NOT nearly as stupid as Hillary. Instead of sidestepping, Barack electric-slided on the homosexuality/immorality question and had to issue his own statement clarifying his stupidity. Yes, Barack doesn’t think that homosexuality is immoral.

The gentleman who was actually stupider than Hillary & Barack put together was none other than John McCain. Still embraced in the tango of death with the “agent of intolerance,” religious right, straight-talker John McCain in his “Bill Frist” moment actually claimed that he was unsure whether or not a condom could prevent the spread of HIV. Kind of reminds us of when ol’ Princeton, Harvard educated Frist said he was unsure of whether or not spit could transmit HIV. Stupid, really, really stupid.

But the American politician who gets “the most stupid” award this week is none other than George W. Bush, a dolt whose White House is literally coming apart. With the Iraq invasion coming upon a four-year anniversary with more tragedy each day, a Veterans Affairs department that resembles apocalypse now playing at most VA hospitals, including at Walter Reed, a justice department doing some very unjust things, Valerie Plame Wilson testifying under oath that she was “covert,” troll right-wing hack Victoria Toensing testifying while on some bad acid that Wilson was not, Chimpy continues to move from one act of stupidity to the next.

At least the natives in Central America were smart enough to cleanse their land of Chimpy, whom they considered inherently evil, once he had left. Too bad we Americans are simply too stupid to do the same.