Back to School Shock

BACK TO SCHOOL SHOCK

We’ve all been traumatized in one way or another by the back to school season—or more appropriately, the back to school shock. For us educators and our students, the unstructured days of summer are gone for two semesters or approximately 180 days. Now it’s up early, out the door only to multi-task our way through today’s episode of “beat the clock.”

But we are not the only ones experiencing shock. George W. Bush has also shown some quasi back-to-school trauma. Because as all of his fellow cheerleaders continue to jump off his Titantic better known as Iraq, George continues to steer his ship down the abyss of no return. Stunned by the fact that they don’t sell Sparknotes for his…ah…David Petraeus’s anticipated report on Iraq due to Congress by September 15th, George still believes that photo-ops, empty words, and recycled spin can save him from his pending failing grades. Sorry—but dispatching Scary Mary Matalin to Meet the Press on Sunday to begin spinning his failures doesn’t help. Poor Mary—she does fit the bill for the dreaded “helicopter” Mom, hovering over her pathetic child, making any failure of his seem not that bad.

But the sad fact of the matter is that George never prepared for his Iraq project; “project-based” assignments are all the rage in public education nowadays. He never did study enough; he and his tutor—Mr. Cheney—never did make the right preparations before, during, and after their invasion; and instead of just ponying-up to the fact that he was in desperate need of remedial help in the Geopolitics of the Middle East, arrogant George simply took the attitude that many apathetic students take when they “imagine” they have finished their work. Like the student who says, "at least it's over," George simply said: "mission accomplished. "

Meanwhile, in AfGONEistan

Meanwhile, in AfGONEistan*

Things are only getting worse. The Taliban has re-emerged big time. They are not only tailgating on the Afghanistan/Pakistan border, pledging to the Osama Not Been Found terrorist fraternity club, they are also alive, killing, and kidnapping inside Afghanistan as well. So much for American-backed governments during Bush’s War on Terror. Do yourself a favor and check out David Reiff’s great piece “Policing Terrorism" in The New York Times Magazine to see why Bush has been wrong and John Kerry was right—well, you know--on dealing with terrorism.

Just this week, the Taliban kidnapped and killed a German. They also kidnapped a group of South Korean Missionaries, prompting South Korea to pull out the few soldiers that contributed to Chimpy’s better-known, King Kong fantasy, “The Coalition of the Willing.” And speaking of fantasies and delusions, the least said about the record-breaking Afghanistan poppy trade the better. Perhaps things will change after Chimpy had his colonoscopy and five deferment Dick was President for a day--NOT!


*For more about AfGONEistan and the world of Chimpy and some laughs, check out Reconstitution 2.0.

FREAKS

FREAKS

America has a fascination with freaks. Why, hell, we have a freak for a president, a DARTH freak for a vice president, and a bunch of freaks, including under-qualified freak Maggie Spellings, in the president’s cabinet. Our political system is overwhelmed with freaks and this is telling. One could say: a government for the freaks by the freaks. But not really. For we folks in CT have a super-freak for a Senator, the ever freaky Captain Lieberman, formerly Oedipus Lieberman, formerly Joe Lieberman, Democrat from CT—a freak who now wants to go to war with Iran. A freak whom I and many others didn’t vote for. Sure, there are countless other freaks. But the least said about the freaks roaming our streets, occupying high-paying positions, and dominating the entertainment industry the better. Suffice it to say, we are a freak nation.

Maybe it’s the recent summer solstice. Perhaps it’s that all the cherubs are out of school. It might be the weather. Whatever the reason, America has a freak fetish and it certainly seems to escalate with the temperature. The hotter it gets, the more humid it gets, the more uncomfortable it gets, the more the freaks come out and get freaky.

This brings me to Mann Coulter, a Rocky Horror Freak of all freaks. Yes, she’s well educated. Yes, she could reasonably (if she tried) advocate for conservative politics. Yes, she could legitimately bring something to the table aside from verbal arsenic and poisoned lace. But she’s a FREAK. A freak who appears on most shows in a...cocktail dress. A freak that can’t even be tolerated by her own side; the National Review did fire her after all. A freak who is given a mainstream venue from which to spew her venom. A freak that remains freaky by making fun of everyone, especially anyone who is a Democrat. A freak, whom Chris Matthews, a closet freak himself, invited on his show yesterday so that he could get his summer freak on. A freak who sells a lot books, who touches upon—like it or not—the American freak vibe, those deep-seated feelings that many Americans feel inside, and a freak who unequivocally perpetuates the American freak fetish. Which brings me to my freaky question: if we all know we have a freak problem, a freak addiction, and we can bring ourselves to admit to it, how do we ever set ourselves on a path of freak recovery?

Week in Rear View: Cell Block America

Week in Rear View: Cell Block America

Jail has been, well, “hot” this week. And if you can’t recognize how hot it's been, then you may, in fact, be leading a simple life.

Where does one begin? Fake or real? Real or fake? No, silly, I’m not talking about Pam Anderson or those chee-chee mamas in The Girls Next Door. I’m talking about the current state of our mainstream media, which loves to keep the “real” on the DL to transport us to a different world overpopulated by Paris, Lindsay, and others in a Nation Gone Wild.

The fake news is that Paris Hilton went to jail, only to be released temporarily for some reported, get this, “medical reasons”—my ass, and then put back into jail for the remainder of her sentence. The real news is that I. Scooter Libby, part of the Neocon death squad, a cheerleader for the war/mess in Iraq, received a 2 ½ year jail sentence this week for basically outing a top cover CIA agent—her name would be Valerie Plame—and for obstructing justice—Scooter’s game would be covering for Dick, our Vice President.

Paris knocked the shit of Scooter in our steroid-induced news cycle; quite frankly, Paris does look better than a WASPy, old prune. Regardless of Paris’s good looks or her intriguing SHEnanigans, there are now over 3,500 dead in Iraq and even more political casualties at home; General Peter Pace is the latest to join the body pile-up of the Abu Ghraib, Guantanamo, prison-obsessed foreign policy of Bush/Cheney. Which brings me to my larger point: in our Dick Wolf, Law & Order, CSI, COPS, Prison Break culture, why is it that most Americans are trapped in a cell block of mis/dis—information?

Outrage of the Week

Bad Behavior

We have a saying in our house: “Bad behavior is bad behavior.” We use this sentence in reference to many contexts- work, family, kids, politics, Lost… you get the point. Needless to say, when we are compelled to say it, we are not entirely pleased with the players involved. Regardless of context, there is something a bit punitive in its connotation, something almost patronizing.

Speaker Pelosi’s visit to Syria has been favorite topic for the talking heads of both radio and TV. Apparently, Number Two (Dick Cheney) did not appreciate the journey of Number Three, describing her actions (and words, more accurately) as “bad behavior.” Far be it from me to get involved in a family squabble; birth order (I mean hierarchy) can be very important. But was it really necessary for Dick to use the words “bad behavior?” I know he is a big quail (I mean kahuna- sorry for the faulty Darth Cheney animal reference), but Nancy is the Speaker- also a big kahuna the last time I checked. Was it really necessary for him to be so condescending? Though it's a challenge, I will not even entertain the temptation to list a fraction of the bad behavior that the current administration has displayed.

ADDENDUM: Get yourselves to Drinking Liberally to get even more outraged!!!!!

Rage-o-meter: 5

OF VICE AND MEN

Of Vice and Men

There was a disturbance in the force this week. At first I thought it was the temperature fluctuating. Then I thought it was the anxiety that comes with those family gatherings around the holidays. I considered other possible disruptive sources, including: tax time, college acceptance/rejection/realization—you pick, or Keith Richards claiming—yes, folks—that he snorted his father’s remains while indulging in some blow; gives new meaning to “Satisfaction,” huh? Something was definitely in the air; we know IT could've been in the blow.

For me it started Monday. I woke with a migraine, called out sick to work, only to discover that Captain Lieberman, formerly Oedipus Lieberman, formerly Joseph Lieberman, formerly a Democrat, now an “independent,” ever threatening to be…a Republican, still a supporter of Chimpy, docked himself in my area—a disturbance, indeed—for a photo-op with Congressman Courtney at the Pine Point School in Stonington. Hence, I self-diagnosed why I felt like someone put a chainsaw in my head and immediately sensed that I had a “bad feeling” about all of this.

The disturbance only got better or worse—you decide. Speaking of deciding, out came the manly “decider” to castigate the Democratic-controlled congress, of which Republicans are obviously members, for going on…vacation. This is beautiful coming from a man who has spent more than a year of his presidency on…vacation. Perhaps Chimpy was fantasizing about blow before that press conference. Who knows? But the decider did seem crazier than ever; let’s wait and see if he starts frantically itching his nose.

Of course, with Fredo’s forthcoming “whack,” with The Big K getting mobbed by students at American University— for his bullshit, not for his rap gig, and with the mainstream “liberal” media doing a bitch-hunt over Speaker Pelosi’s trip to the Middle East while conveniently downplaying she was part of a delegation including Republicans and completely neglecting the Republican one there recently, Chimpy did seem off his axis with all these disturbances in his life.

Thus Darth Cheney came out of his pod to send shockwaves throughout the galaxy. And Darth didn’t disappoint. First target: Pelosi. Five Deferment Dick—a real American man—spoke to anal cyst Rush Limpfart—another man’s man—to denounce Pelosi and to suggest that the Democrats on the Senate Foreign Relations Committee were, get this, “Stalinist,” for not supporting Sam Fox, a known contributor to the now debunked Swift Boat Veterans that shamelessly went after Senator John Kerry, someone who actually DID SERVE in Vietnam. Definitely disturbing.

But Darth Dick’s craziness didn’t stop there; was he, too, having blow-like fantasies? Next target: the American public. Darth went on to claim, once again, that there were links between Iraq and Al-Qaeda that we all now know were bogus. Cheney’s blatant posturing prefaced yet another man’s crusade to prove that he’s a man’s man: porn-star named Mitt Romney tried to convince us—and the conservative Ted Nugent base—that he’s a real hunter, a hardcore “rabbit” gunslinger who just proudly joined the NRA…last year. Come away from the dark side of the force, Mitt: didn’t you read the headlines that you outperformed your Republican challengers in fundraising?

In this fake era overpopulated with fake men over-determined to validate their fake manliness, when an aging rock star’s initial claim (possibly a fake one) that he snorted his father’s ashes along with cocaine seems more real and oddly genuine, America, we don’t have a disturbance, we have a serious problem.