Sunday, March 25, 2007



If you heard one Republican apologist this week, you heard them all. It’s been like listening to a bad record skip all over the media with these stuffed men paying homage to their party rather than their country.

There were so many talking heads justifying, analyzing, talking about, explaining, parsing, explicating, comparing and contrasting why this administration does the things it does (pull down options):

A. Screw up.
B. Create a scandal.
C. Mismanage government, a war, and foreign policy.
D. Respond to a natural catastrophe.
E. All of the Above

Hell, let’s go with all of the above. It almost seemed like Karl Rove was re-mixing material for an RNC rendition of rapper’s delight. Can I get a beat for grandmaster spin, flavor munster Tony Snow? Hip-hop-hooray…ho…hey!...T-o-n-y…Snow…yea!

This all started with the latest scandal plaguing the administration: the politically-motivated firing of completely competent, Republican (yes, Republican) US attorneys who were apparently not aggressive enough in pursuing the political enemies of Chimpy Company: any and all Democrats. The first problem for these attorneys was that they were competent; only the incompetent & Republican survive in Chimpy’s world. The second problem was they wouldn’t do what several other stuffed people do: put party over country.

But let’s get our beat back: Enter Fab Five Fredo Gonzales, who’s really B-A-D with memorizing his rap because it’s become abundantly apparent he’s lied. So now that Fredo Gonzales might be getting whacked, as Franck Rich has beautifully noted in his column today, every RNC idol worshipper has booked appearances on every show imaginable to doublespeak this mess. Let’s take a look at the most and least tolerable performances to see which rap makes sense.

Andrew Sullivan on Olberman this past week gave Sullivan the RNC most tolerable performance, as Andy went where few RNC storm troopers go: Countdown. Seriously, it was a good interview—he got his dig in on Hillary. But rather than blister with the Republican colic, a disorder that paralyzes the likes of Michael Savage, David Horowitz and others, Andy admitted what most level-headed people know, including true conservatives: the conservative movement is almost dead thanks to Chimpy and Company, Ronald Reagan is rolling and crying in his grave, and Mann Coulter needs to stop calling people fags because there are many respectable gay republicans, like Sullivan himself. Like it or not, Sullivan made sense.

While Sullivan showed that some RNC troopers can be faithful to their country over their party, David Frum busted out from the American Enterprise Institute, the gansta’ spot of neoconservativism, to deliver the least tolerable, Vanilla Ice rap of the week. Ice-icing crap with his rap, Frum tried to spin his shit by fronting on Real Time with Maher. This was beautiful political theater, as Davey Fly Frum just stuck to the RNC rapper’s delight script: lie, lie, baby. The war isn’t as bad as we think, there’s nothing wrong with firing these attorneys and then lying about the firing of these attorneys, and Chimpy has every right to be a Darth Imperial leader in a democracy. Needless to say, Frum made no sense other than proving John Dean’s thesis in Conservatives without a Conscience: sometimes the blind just follow the blind.

Frum was perhaps the least tolerable performance among a group of hollow men—and many women—who don’t quite realize that we have to stop idolizing Mistah Bush who would rather end things with a bang, not a whimper.

1 comment:

JollyRoger said...

Among Chimpletons, this isn't politics-this is religion, and the smirking cokehead frat boy is their Deity. They respond with the Psalms of Rove whenever they are questioned, whether or not the Psalms make a lick of sense.

These zealots make me long for the days of arenas and lions. The Romans wouldn't have bothered with Christians if this bunch had been around.